LET’S KEEP OUR COOL ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING

truly lost in the cosmos global warming hits L.AWe can have our cake and eat it too when it comes to climate change
Melting glaciers. Rising seas. Cataclysmic weather. Scientists say we may be fast approaching the tipping point on climate change. Runaway global warming is just around the corner.

Bring it on. I found a way for us to keep our big-screen televisions and video games, Cadillac Escalades, and Belgian waffle makers and not suffer the consequences.

It’s not the one that I proposed earlier. You know, the one where I said we could get rid of all that excess water coming from rising seas by boiling it all away on our stovetops. I admit I was wrong on that one.

No, my new idea is genius. We simply turn on every air conditioner in the world and merely leave our windows and doors open. The Earth will be cooler than a prickly pear and passion fruit sorbet. We’ll dehumidify the planet too. People in Singapore and Florida will thank us.

So let’s stop worrying about global warming and all the bothersome effects it will bring. It’s just too much work to reduce CO2. Continue to drive your car when you could easily walk. Leave all the lights burning when you leave a room. Buy homes way too large for a family of four. And let’s plow down millions of trees to build more shopping malls and planned subdivisions. We just need to crank up the AC, sit back and say Ahhhhhhhhhhh to ourselves.

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